Boundary Breakthrough: Effective Boundaries to Help You Thrive

Just about everyone heard that boundaries are important. In theory, it’s understood that setting boundaries is key to maintaining a healthy balance between work and personal life. But that's easier said than done, especially if you, like myself, have inherited deeply ingrained communal values, a deep work ethic, and a drive for excellence. For collectivist, high achievers, setting boundaries can be challenging, and yet, absolutely essential to avoiding burn-out, achieving balance, and ultimately delivering high-impact, high-quality work. Here’s how you can set and maintain boundaries in your professional life, with some real-world examples.

1. Understand Your Limits The first step in setting boundaries is understanding your limits. So often, people underestimate their commitment capacity, because their calculations are solely based on time and find themselves in a state of exhaustion and overwhelm. Here are a few factors to consider when calculating capacity.
• Your Experience: If you’re new to your role, you’ll need to account for learning and guidance time. 
• Complexity and Scope of Projects: Highly complex projects require deep concentration, problem-solving, and creativity, which will demand more focused time. Be mindful of how many hours you can actually be focused deeply before that focus declines. 
• Support Systems: Do you have a strong support team and adequate resources? If you have a pretty green team, you’ll have to create space for training, guidance and coaching.
• Work-life balance: I get it. It’s usually the last thing people think about, and often, it doesn’t even factor into commitment calculations, but it is essential. All aspects of your life are interconnected and factor into wellness and burnout. And just because you CAN handle a lot, doesn’t mean you should. Over time, resentment will build, staining and tainting your relationship with work.
  
2. Communicate Clearly and Respectfully Once you understand your limits, communicate them clearly and respectfully to your colleagues and supervisors. For example, if you need to leave work by 6 PM to pick up your kids, let your team know in advance. Use courteous but assertive language to express your needs. If you can’t effectively handle 3 complex projects, set that boundary. Check out some do’s and don’ts further down.
   
   
3. Prioritize Your Well-Being Your well-being should always be a priority. For example, if you’re feeling overwhelmed with work, don’t hesitate to ask for help or delegate tasks. Though many API cultures emphasize the importance of balance and harmony, we also value a deep work ethic, often to the detriment of self and family. Remember, the reality is, when you’re working on near-empty, the risk for error, poor quality, and strained communication due to exhaustion is quite high.
   
   
4. Be Consistent Consistency in enforcing your boundaries helps others understand and respect them. For example, if you consistently don’t respond to work emails after hours, your colleagues will learn to respect your personal time.
   
   
5. Learn to Say No Saying no can be difficult, especially in cultures that value collectivism and helping others. However, it’s important to recognize that saying no when necessary is a form of self-respect and self-care. For example, if you’re asked to take on an additional project that would overload you, it’s okay to decline politely. Though challenging, with repetition it will get easier.
   
   
6. Seek Support Don’t hesitate to seek support from mentors, colleagues, or support groups. Sharing your challenges and seeking advice can provide new perspectives and strengthen your resolve. For example, talking to a mentor who has successfully set boundaries can give you practical tips and encouragement. It's so ironic how we are so happy to help others, yet are afraid to burden others by asking for help. The reality is, that most people want to help and appreciate the opportunity to support.

COMMUNICATION TIPS 

DO
✅ Position your boundary actions and behaviors you take and you have control over
✅ Do give context to your boundary
✅ Do understand where you have hard lines and flexibility

DON’T
❌ State your boundaries as actions and behaviors others need to take to accommodate you
❌ Although No is a full sentence and you don’t owe anyone an explanation, a little context goes a long way in relationship-building
❌ Don’t waffle on your non-negotiables, outside of that consider flexible solutions in acute situations
❌ Don’t apologize for having boundaries

EXAMPLES:

✅ I don’t respond to communications after 7 and leave my phone in another room to focus on my family.
❌ Don’t call me after 7 because it’s my family time.
The second communication could feel charged and leave the action and control with someone else. 

✅ I won’t lead any additional projects at this moment to ensure I can effectively deliver on the current complex projects. However, I am available to advise and coach another lead on a low-complexity project.
❌ I’m so sorry, but I can’t handle any more work. Maybe I can support you in some other way.
The second communication is tentative and could be interpreted as overwhelm.

Setting boundaries is not just about protecting your time and energy; it’s about honoring your values and maintaining a healthy balance. By understanding your limits, communicating effectively, and being consistent, you can set boundaries that support your professional and personal well-being. Remember, boundaries are a form of self-respect and an essential tool for long-term success and happiness.

The first step is defining your boundaries. If you're interested in building this out, join our Leaders' Lounge for exercises, tips, and community support.